Adventures of the Nerd Buddies
by it's-a-bloody-big-ship
Summary: Q, as well all know, is a nerd. What is less well known, is that Bond is too.
1. Chapter 1

I was going to use this as a prompt for someone, but then decided to fill it myself! Bond and Q are best buds. They're both total nerds. Second chapter soon to come. Enjoy :)

* * *

At first they simply had a good working relationship. Agent and Quartermaster. They got along, but given 007's charm, and Q's general politeness, it certainly wasn't anything to comment on.

After Skyfall, things changed. Q's actions when 007 "kidnapped" M earned his trust, something not many could claim to have. Unlike most who either awkwardly tried to offer condolences, or pretended nothing had happened, Q simply accepted that it happened and that it was in the past. It was exactly what Bond hadn't known he'd needed.

When Q discovered that 007 was a closeted nerd, their budding friendship bloomed. Movie nights at Q's flat after missions became a regular occurrence. Slowly 007 became Bond, and Bond became James. Despite the rumours circulating MI6, and the "secret" betting pool in the R&D department, their relationship was purely platonic.

It was past midnight when Bond appeared on Q's balcony. Q ushered him in, unruffled as ever, while Bond chuckled a bit drunkenly.

"How's my little nerd buddy?"

Q sighed, used to Bond's comments. "You're just in time, I'm watching Star Trek. How was the mission?"

James smiled, "Oh, explosive as ever. I'll go in for debriefing tomorrow. Which one?"

Q frowned briefly, mentally reviewing the various things that had gone wrong and noting James' slightly drunken state. His expression quickly changed to a cheeky grin as he replied, "the _new _one".

"But it won't be released for weeks! They just released the trai-OH YOU DIDN'T"

Q's cheeky grin turned just a bit guilty, "They really should have had a better security system. Their fault really."

"This is why I hang out with you" James said when he stopped laughing, "alright put it on, I'll go make popcorn."

Aside from a few shouts of "OH MY GOD WHAT WHAT WHAT" and "DID YOU SEE THAT" "YOU BET I DID" they didn't speak again until the credits were rolling.

James was the first to break the silence. "Do you think I could seduce Zoe Saldana? She may be out of my league."

"If you do, you have to get her autograph for me or I'll stop being your friend."

"If I get it for you can I have an exploding pen?"

Q opened his mouth to reply, but stopped with an odd look on his face. Taking note of James apparent seriousness of the offer he replied, "Get me at least five of the cast signatures, and I'll make you a whole box of them."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2! Thanks for the lovely response to chapter 1. I did research for this one guys. _RESEARCH. _Because that's how much I care. Also thanks to ImWithTheBand121 for the idea of them being whovians, there will definitely be some of that in the next chapter!

* * *

"Q do you have a visual? Which way is he headed?"

Q searched the screen desperately, "hold on a minute!" Gunshots were heard over the speakers, booming through Q-branch. "I've got him! Take the next hallway to your left."

Bond raced down the halls after the target, shooting him clean through the head when he got the chance. He slowed to a stop, searching the body, and quickly finding what he was looking for.

"I've got the flash drive. I'm on my way out."

"Good work 007, I'm arranging a plane for you, it leaves at-"

He was interrupted by 007, "No need, I think I'll stay here for a bit. See the sights, crash some parties. I'll get one of the minions to send you the flash drive." Q could practically hear the smile in his voice.

He scoffed, "Alright, but it's not my fault if you get stuck in economy."

"Understood Quartermaster."

* * *

Bond sat down at the bar, dressed impeccably as always. He waved the bartender over and ordered his drink, turning to the woman at his side, "can I get you anything?"

She smiled, flattered by his charm (he was giving it his best, which considering his job, was quite good), and turned to the bartender, "I'll have St. Germain French 77, my favourite."

"A classy drink for a classy woman. My name's Bond. James Bond."

"Mmm you flirt, it's nice to meet you Mr. Bond, Zoe Saldana."

The two drank and flirted for a while until some of Zoe's friends, who James recognized as other cast members of Star Trek, waived her over. Zoe invited James to join them, and he gracefully accepted. Introductions were made, and it wasn't long before the whole cast was chatting with James, and laughing at his jokes.

Once everyone was slightly tipsy, Benedict asked James, "so are you a Star Trek fan then? Most fans probably would have mentioned it by now." James laughed, "I like it, and I'm looking forward to seeing it. But my best friend Q, well, he's another story. I think he'd have an aneurism if he were here."

"That's an odd name, Q. Sounds mysterious!" Simon Pegg piped up from near the back.

"I know right, very alternative parents. His father was a Scrabble champion, apparently Q is the highest scoring letter in Scrabble." Inventing a backstory for his friend came delightfully easy to Bond, who had spent much time joking about it with Q. He spoke about Q some more, about how he loved computers and cats. How much of a nerd he was.

"Anyways," Bond continued, "I was actually just wondering if any of you guys would sign something for him? Even just one signature would make his day."

"Yeah, sure"

"Me too!"

"I'm in!"

It didn't take long before the small black notebook James had in his pocket was being passed around to all the cast members to be signed. James grinned, in quite the same way as he did after a successful mission.

"Thanks guys, you have no idea how much this is going to mean for him."

Chris Pine laughed, "Not a problem James! Hey, if you two are ever in town you should give us a call, we can go for drinks again!"

James' grin turned positively predatory.

* * *

A week later Q was putting in some over time in Q-branch, happily working on a new security code, when 007 walked in.

"Did my equipment make it through this time 007?"

Bond smirked, "Nope, but I got you something better."

"I told you already James, I don't want another stupid tourist souvenir."

Bond didn't say a word, just slid the notebook across the table to Q. He opened it, jaw dropping. Q stared at the book, flipping through a few pages, looking up with an expression of utter disbelief.

"Is this.."

"Yeeeah" slightly rocking back and forth on his heels, Bond grinned like the proverbial cat that got the canary.

"Box full of exploding pens. Hop to it, Quartermaster."

Those seemed to be the magic words to break Q out of his stupor. He shouted incoherently and launched himself at 007, engulfing him in a gangly bear hug. Bond smiled, even as Q let go to continue reading the messages the cast had left him.

"Am I the best friend ever or what?"

"Best friend in a hundred thousand billion years. In all the galaxies. In no other alternate universe anywhere is there a better friend than you" Q muttered like a madman to himself. "Have you read this! 'Dear mysterious Q, you sounds pretty awesome, come hang out sometime! Love, Simon Pegg' 'Dearest Q, I hope you have a marvellous life, and enjoy our new film. SINCERELY BENEDICT F-ING CUMBERBATCH, BOND HAVE YOU READ THIS."

Security was starting to look antsy at all the shouting, so the two settled down. Q continued reading, making quiet remarks every now and then like 'oh my god', 'a thousand exploding pens', and 'perhaps a watch that shoots darks and has a grappling hook'. James sat there with a vaguely dreamy look on his face, imagining all the ways he could use his new exploding pens.

James knew that Q was something special. Someone he could trust, and someone who could make him laugh. It was nice having a best friend.

Now, what would it take to get a new car?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3! **Sorry for the brevity, also I have never had the pleasure of attending a convention, so bear with me a little. I did attempt to find a legit convention, but none appeared, so I made one up (note: FICTION). Enjoy!

* * *

"You're sure about this?" Q asked James as he fussed in front of the mirror, adjusting his scarf for what felt like the thousandth time. "I know you aren't the most 'out' nerd there is."

"Of course I'm sure. I'm a secret agent for MI6, we're not exactly known for our indecisiveness." James smiled at Q, leaning against the bathroom doorframe. He was a sight to behold in his casual jeans, and comfy knitted sweater. It was a far cry from the expensive suits he regularly wore. "We don't even need wigs, how could we not do this! Besides, you were the one who suggested it."

Q snorted, "I didn't suggest it! I mentioned the possibility while I was drunk!"

"Oh really? Well I remember a half hour speech on how I was like the Watson to your Holmes, and how we should 'cosplay' because with our looks it would be a crime not too."

* * *

"Q, are you crying?"

A sniffle, a pause, and then, "No."

"It's OK if you are, the reichenfeels get to me too sometimes."

Q looked beside him to Bond (after stealthily wiping his face) and whispered, mindful of the others around them still watching the episode on the large screen, "Really?"

Bond grinned, "Well, no. But I've had people literally die in my arms, so I don't really count." He reached an arm around Q's thin shoulders, "C'mere. Friends help friends with Sherlock feels."

"I'm not crying you arse."

"Of course you're not. How could I be so imperceptive?" James grinned with the knowledge that Q only swore when he was upset, like when Silva hacked MI6, and, apparently, when fictional characters jumped off buildings.

"It's kind of weird how much they're like us, isn't it?" James commented quietly, aware of the other sherlockians watching the screen.

Q turned towards Bond, "Hmm?"

"The genius and the soldier. And I've been shot in the shoulder."

"I promise I won't go jumping off any buildings."

"Good."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4! **Q gives agent 007 a few lessons in SCIENCE. A number of these quotes come from my actual Chemistry class. (notably the one about moles, and the one about carbonic acid)

Q prided himself on being a rational thinker. He didn't make hasty decisions, and he worked well under pressure. Q was one of the most skilled hackers in the world, certainly England. On most nights he came home from work, settled down with a movie or a nice book and then went to sleep. _This was definitely not one of those nights._

Usually it was Bond who drank and Q who laughed and set up the telly. On this particular night Q was the one totally smashed. It was unlikely he had been this inebriated since his brief experimentation during his college days.

007 smiled fondly as Q paced back and forth on the rug in front of him, waving his hands wildly as he spoke. Well, pacing would be being generous, it was more of a lurching zig zag.

"And now," Q slurred in Bond's general direction, "I'm going to teach you _science_! Today's lesson is chemistry!"

James raised an eyebrow, "I was a _Naval Commander _Q, I did take a couple of chemistry courses."

"Nope nope nope, you think you know but you _don't," _Q stopped for a few seconds looking at James like a kicked puppy, "you really don't know."

James quickly decided that getting a chemistry lesson from a sloshed Q would be much more enjoyable than trying to dissuade him. Even intoxicated he was stubborn as a mule.

"A'right, a'right, settle down class, I'm gonna to start with a history lesson," Q began enthusiastically before stopping. A nudge from Bond was enough to get him back on track.

"See, once upon a time there was a sad little man named Gilbert Lewis. He named the photon, invented the Lewis dot structure, named after him ya see, right got it? And he should have been super duper famous." Q rambled, stopped again, and then got back on track.

"Anyways, he should have been really famous, but he wasn't!" the Quartermaster appeared visibly upset, nearly prompting James to give him a hug or something.

"I mean, if you ever feel bad about not being recognized for what you've done, just remember that Lewis was nominated for a Nobel Prize 35 times!"

Bond chuckled at Q's frazzled state, "Hmm, poor thing." Some people were silly drunks, some sad, and some angry. It had quickly become apparent that Q was a _nerdy _drunk. Not entirely surprising.

Q flopped down on the couch next to James and laid a hand on his arm. "Now that I've taught you all about moles it's time to teach you about molar concentration."

This sparked momentary confusion in James, who yet again decided to just go with the flow.

"You gotta remember about the total volume. Like, if you had a bathtub full to the top of water." Q motioned wildly in front of himself, as if playing charades, "and then you put a mole in the bathtub! You know what you'd have then?"

Q didn't give James time to respond, "Well, you'd have water all over your floor, and a mole in your bathtub going 'Don't dissolve me! I'm a mammal!'" By the time Q was done his short speech, he'd ended up lying on the carpet, due to excessive flailing.

* * *

A short while later, Q was slightly less drunk, and James slightly more so. James had sneakily (in his mind at least) switched Q's drinks with apple juice (out of concern of course) and, well, it all had to go somewhere right?

James was really starting to get into the whole 'chemistry lesson' idea. Even going to the extent of asking questions, and trying to show off. Just a little bit.

"So, carbonic acid, that's what makes pop fizzy. We all know that of course, but did you know that it's in our blood too?"

Q sniffed imperiously, cutting him off, having obviously regained some of his cognitive capacities, "Don't be stupid 007. _Carbonic acid doesn't exist._ You've been fooled by the media."

James was absolutely flabbergasted. He asked, very sceptical, "_Carbonic acid doesn't EXIST?_"

Q, still sitting on the floor, nodded gleefully. "It doesn't exist. It never has."

He was like the cat who got the canary, so pleased with himself. 007 couldn't tell whether it was because he'd been tricked, or because Q was right, and carbonic acid really didn't exist.

"I don't believe you. It's on soda labels for christ's sake."

"Ever heard of false advertising?" Q somehow managed to look down on James, even from his low vantage point on the floor. "They made it up so they didn't have to explain the complex chemical process that occurs. What _are _they teaching you lot in secret agent class these days, haven't you been told to trust your Quartermaster?"


End file.
